We had an indoor day today because the weather outside was frightful (I may be the millionth person to say that). Started out with snow, then became sort of wet snow, then icy rain, and now I don't know what is happening outside. Actually Tashi and I never left the building. We just took her right outside the front door to experience some snow around noontime, but she wasn't so interested in it, possibly because it was pretty wet and cold out. It's been years (three, four?) since we've actually had snow in December in New York City.
She's been wearing this outfit pretty much daily underneath her regular coat. The fleece vest is genius as an extra layer, and the hat doesn't squish her head (too small) or go over her eyes (too big) like the others we have. (Remarkably, it's a size 2T--it runs very small.) Both are hand-me-downs from sister. (Thank you!)
We were due to host the Friday playgroup, but everyone canceled with the weather. So Tashi had a long day with just mom and dad--dad's so pooped he started a nap when she went down at 630pm.
Why is being home with baby so much more exhausting than consecutive meetings all day and hundreds of emails to answer? I think it's because you have to be 'on' all the time--you can't zone out ever because you're responsible for baby's comfort, tummy contents, diaper situation, temperature control, not to mention just entertaining her. And Tashi's a mellow baby (daddy friend David calls her the Buddha baby). Now husband also sees why you need one activity a day to break it up. The playgroup is a necessary distraction.
This morning we drove down to Mount Sinai Hospital's Jaffe Food Allergy Institute. One particular doctor, Scott Sicherer, got recommended to me a couple of times, and while we weren't able to get an appointment with him (he's booked till May 2009) we did see a young colleague of his.
Both sets of grandparents (and maybe us, too) were still hoping that maybe somehow Tashi was choking, not having an anaphylactic reaction, but after talking to the doctor he said it was pretty unequivocal that it was a severe allergy, especially since it was peanut butter, not peanuts, and such a small amount.
He took our history and agreed that the research on what effect maternal diet has (to peanut or not to peanut) is evenly split. He allowed his own wife to eat peanuts while pregnant. He said most peanut-allergic kids have backgrounds like ours, with slight allergies only--one parent gets hay fever in the fall (me) and the other has a little eczema in the winter (husband). Parents who are both peanut-allergic are unlikely to have a peanut-allergic child. It sounds like there's just a cocktail of triggers and factors that can set off a reaction, with seemingly no rhyme or reason. It's like a perfect storm of allergy.
Tashi did a skin test for soy and egg, which took 10 minutes. The good news is that soy isn't a problem. The bad news is that she seems to have a slight egg allergy (to the whites). The blood test that we also did and which we'll get results for next week will let us know how strong it is--if, for instance, we have to restrict her eating baked goods that contain eggs. We'll also find out how bad her allergy is to peanuts and tree nuts. If she starts out super-allergic, chances are she will remain so the rest of her life; only one in five kids grows out of it. Sesame is another potential allergen. If you have one food allergy, you're more likely to have another, even though there is no outward connection among nuts, eggs, and sesame. Fortunately milk seems to be fine, especially as she loves her string cheese. While Waipo was here, she'd take a bite, give it to Waipo to further unwrap, take another bite, and hand it over again.
The institute under Hugh Sampson (who is constantly quoted about allergies) is currently testing two peanut vaccines on adults and they will next be tried on children age 12 and above. Speaking above the din of Tashi being wailing upset (it was a rough morning for her), the doctor said there's a chance there could be a vaccine trial for younger kids by the time she is of school age. The more I poke around researching (I have been trying to restrain myself, it's just too scary) the more I see news like this: that food allergies have risen 18 percent in the past decade among U.S. children. Peanut allergies have doubled.
We got a lot of handouts to read, and some recommendations for additional reading. Until this happened to Tashi, I had never really believed that peanuts could be so deadly--from inhaling the dust or kissing someone who just had a PB&J sandwich. It's a huge learning curve to make people understand just how serious it is. (I will also fully admit right now that this whole thing has just exacerbated my control-freak tendencies. Watch out!) It'll get tougher as she gets older, too, and is sharing food with other kids. We plan on getting the Food Allergies for Dummies book and having our families read it, too.
UPDATE: I appreciate Ahgong's comment about the eggs maybe being a false positive or extremely mild--he's right that we've experienced no problems with any vaccinations, including the two-part flu shot we just did. That would be a relief, so fingers crossed. The other thing I wanted to mention is that in response to my own questions and from Ginny and others about how Tashi became allergic to peanuts--the short answer is they, the science powers that be, have no idea. That's what's so scary, and unfair-seeming. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy the experience we had.
Peanut allergies, while they have doubled, are still relatively rare, at nearly 1 in every 100 kids. My advice to parent friends is to take that infant CPR class and, to be 100 percent safe, give your baby peanut butter at the doctor's office when you're ready, during a regular well-baby visit. Even if you have no food allergy history... look at us! It sounds crazy and paranoid, but why risk it?
This video captures a little bit of the melee that was Tashi's first birthday party. We had about 45 people (8-10 of them shorter than 2 feet tall) in the apartment, so it was pretty crowded, hot, and loud. Tashi was fine at first but then as more people arrived, she started to complain, which made me wonder if she disliked sharing her toys... but I think it was just all the people. At one point she seemed so unhappy I was questioning the wisdom of having a party for her, period, but I guess the flipside is she won't remember either way, good or bad! Andrea mentioned that her and Alex's Annabear didn't much enjoy her first birthday party, either, which made me feel better. It must be the crowds, though lately Tashi's been particularly mom-clingy, to the point where she'll be happily playing or eating or crawling around with Waipo or Daddy, then sees me, and starts to seriously howl. I guess it's like some weird sort of compliment?
For us parents it was fun to have all the kiddies together rambling all over the apartment. The many toys we have (every single one a hand-me-down, mainly from sister) got a workout. I very purposely didn't invite anyone with kids who had to travel from outside our immediate neighborhood, unless they were family (or recently moved from the area). Given the lousy weather we had I'm impressed how many made it. Thank you! (Especially to Tashi's cousins Rohan and Arjun for the birthday video.)
Waipo has been here since Wednesday helping out, thus proving once again that the optimal parent-to-child ratio is at least three to one. Though I managed to make the (panda bearish) cake, both sets of grandparents took care of the rest of the food--bocaditos, pastelitos (both carne and guava), and chunks of pineapple. We also went to our favorite meat market and got a big spread of cheese, soprasetta, and prosciutto, which the birthday girl loved.
Outside the apartment in the hallway we set up parking for strollers, shoes, and umbrellas, and Waipo had the very good idea of having everyone write name tags. Brother was in charge of the coats, we had plenty of beverages, and husband figured out music so Tashi could do her dance. Today, the day after the party, Tashi has seemed like she's trying to recover from all the activity and has been cranky and out of sorts, with a runny nose besides, but she sure enjoyed ripping apart some gift wrapping.
It's Tashi's birthday! In approximately 1.5 hours one year ago, I managed to finally push Tashi out and we welcomed her into the world. It's astounding really--it went by superfast, and everything is still changing every day. She may have even done the sign this morning for cereal (which along with banana she devours every morning for breakfast, post-boob).
We (Waipo and I) have Tashi home with us today. Fridays, generally speaking, is my work-from-home day, but I'm making a cake before the work day really gets started. Tashi has already celebrated her birthday by sleeping in to the late, late hour of nearly 730am (!).
Tashi seems completely back to normal, so that's good. I'm of course not feeding her anything that could be sketchy--so no more soy, chickpeas, or eggs, though she has already had wheat and Cheerios and rice crackers (even at the hospital) without any sign of a reaction. Right now I'm struggling with two things, well three really--one, trying to figure out how she got the allergy (and blaming self; this is the research I heard about); two, trying not to be overly paranoid yet super-careful; and three, still trying to process what happened. I've actually sort of avoided reading too much stuff on the internets for fear of completely freaking myself out. We see the pediatrician today, and have an appointment in two weeks with an allergist at Mount Sinai, where they have what seems to be a well-respected Food Allergy Institute. (What little I did face on the web I read in the Times, where a particular doctor got cited for being innovative in his testing for food allergies. We don't have an appointment with him--there's an issue of availability and insurance--but a colleague.)
Meanwhile, Tashi is back to her old tricks--trying to eat Yoshi's food (small pieces of Cheerio-sized food right at ground level--so beguiling!), swinging doors, pulling up, emptying tissue boxes, crawling through and over everything, ripping off her diaper cover, and playing at giving mommy and daddy objects and then taking them back. I strapped her into the Ergo and took her to the Upper West Side so I could get a haircut (EpiPen in my bag) and she sat on my lap the entire time, fascinated with the process enough to sit relatively still. (The woman I get a haircut from has her own private studio--perfect for combining child care.) Tashi got a trim too, though since the hospital she's been a little shy and wimpery near strangers. But at Sara and Sammy's later on, she even cruised a little bit.
Chetna, who lives downstairs, came up and checked on Tashi too. She's the one who came up while we waited for the emergency room. She said to her Tashi's reaction was very unusual, a very localized reaction in her throat only. There was no swelling, no hives (till later). She also said my breathing into Tashi's mouth was instrumental. It still gives us chills.
Anyway, we are off to Philly this afternoon for the weekend, but not before some Halloween dress-up for sign language and a doctor's appointment. I'll post photos later. In these she's wearing a romper that says, Mummy Loves Me (get it, it's a Halloween mummy...). Also, in the middle of all this we got notice that the president of our department is leaving. Lots of upheaval at work, a strange time to be going back. Happy Halloween!
We had an awful scare today. Tashi had a severe reaction to peanut butter, which I mistakenly, stupidly thought was okay to give to her at age 1. (Her birthday is next Friday.) We have no family history of peanut allergies, nor has she shown any signs of being allergic to any other foods.
From less than half a teaspoon, if that, she nearly immediately had an anaphylactic reaction. It started with some coughing. We thought she was choking on something, and kept trying to give her water to wash it down. Then it was worse coughing/hacking, then her voice changed, and all the while she was inconsolably crying. And then she threw up. When she threw up, we knew it was bad, and I was on the phone with the pediatrician who said to go to the hospital. But then it got worse. Husband saw her turn blue but had enough presence of mind to call 911 immediately. There is nothing more horrifying than your baby losing color and starting to go limp. I put her on the floor, tilted her head back, and started doing CPR (we took a class last Halloween--when I was 39 weeks pregnant). I breathed into her mouth and mucous would come out, and pressed on her chest. Actually writing this is very difficult, thinking of how close we came to losing her.
Husband was the phone with 911, and though we both knew intellectually (and from watching countless hospital shows) that since she was still making sounds crying that there was air getting to her, it was hard not to fall apart. I had husband go down to ask for help from a doctor I knew lived in the building (above Kelly), but the EMT guys were very fast to arrive. They gave her an epinephrine shot; she got a second one at the hospital, along with Benadryl, a steroid, and Zantac through an IV. Being attached to all these wires was tough for her (once she had a Benadryl-assisted nap and was feeling better and wanted to move around).
We didn't get home till about 430pm. She seems fine, crawling around like normal, and she went to bed just before 6pm. I think husband and I are still in shock. I am so grateful we took this CPR class at Roosevelt last year, and that the EMT guys got here in minutes. I'm trying not to blame self, or think about how she got so allergic (I am a big nut eater...).
This is how shaky we are. The three of us snacked on some cheese tonight after not having really eaten all day (Tashi got boob, rice crackers, applesauce) and the description says "nutty and creamy." Husband panicked for just a moment.
Here's a video [updated via Vimeo] husband took last weekend when he took Tashi out for about an hour while I worked. It's yet more evidence of how much she loves the swing. While she was in her green bear jacket today at the place where we always get bagels after swim class, someone said they liked her costume, and I said, actually it's her regular coat.
Tashi's been waking up before 6am which is sort of brutal, but except for one morning I haven't been going in to get her. Husband goes and tries to soothe her back to sleep, but it seems to work less well. This just means that by 8am when she's en route to daycare, she's plenty tired (as is mom--I need that a.m. nap!), and she did in fact manage two naps one day, and not just one long nap. She's also officially pulling herself up onto everything, but not cruising yet, which is when they use furniture to move across the floor--like holding on to a couch and making their way down it. Since she's gone from no pulling up to pulling up all the time in the space of less than a week, husband's convinced she'll be walking by her birthday in two weeks, but I still think she has a little ways to go, based on seeing how other babies have done it. Or, I am in denial.
I hosted what will be our last Friday playgroup and we got only one regular to show up. I think the timing for the playgroup is the problem--4pm is just too late, and if you always run late like I do, 5pm is even later to embark on a playgroup outing. But Christina and her new baby Amina, from Ethiopia, and Kelly and Quinn came by, all from our building. I'll post photos of the three girls soon. (Quinn, who is three months Tashi's junior, is fully pulling herself up already.) This playgroup is one I joined when Tashi was literally just days old. Waipo and had brought Tashi out in the sling, which she promptly fell asleep in. Those were the days.
In work news, I start back a week from Monday. I managed to log on to work email for the first time since January, which was a 25-min process of getting in. Fortunately for me, email if not filed away is auto-deleted after 30 days, so cleaning up my inbox was relatively painless. The first week of November is shaping up to be pretty busy. Besides work, there's this giant election and Tashi's birthday. Speaking of birthdays, it was sister's on Thursday. Happy Birthday, Auntie Joanna!
I've become sort of lazy about editing down video, as this is five minutes long, but at the same time I like it because it's Tashi steadily taking out all the toys in a box and examining them one by one. Cracks me up. It also captures what we think is the first time (at home) she's lifted herself up on her legs (to get at something in the box, naturally). I know a lot of other babies have been doing this a while, but Tashi has been pretty good about getting everything she needs from up on her knees or even her butt.
We had part two of our flu shot yesterday, and Tashi woke up with a runny nose that may or may not be related. Her 11.5-month stats: 21 lbs 3 oz (60th percentile), 29 inches (forgot to check percentile). She gained over a pound in the five weeks since part one of the flu shot, which put her back into the 60s percentile-wise. Last month she was smack dab at 50th. The doctor also showed me how to hold her in order to encourage her to stand more on her legs. Which is something I'm not exactly sure I'm ready for, walking.
Last night we went out for an early birthday celebration for three people from work whose birthdays are Oct. 23--which also happens to be sister's birthday. So sister came out too--yay! Four people with the same birthday (all different years) in one bar, it was kind of remarkable. Unfortunately this meant it was a late night for Abuela and Abuelo who babysat and had taken the bus in from New Jersey. At least I was able to thank them with the men's Citizen watch I won at Dara's fundraising event last week--Abuelo really liked it!
Tashi's been going to daycare for both naps which she sometimes takes, sometimes doesn't, this week. Two quick things about sleep we've noticed that are sure signs she is sleepy. One is that she will be crawling around and then suddenly lie down on the floor on her belly, butt in the air, and start sucking her thumb. She did this a few times for Abuela. The other is that as I'm carrying her toward the crib to put her down, she'll push away from me toward the crib wanting to get into it, and when I lay her in it she immediately flips over and goes for her thumb. I never thought I'd see the day where she was arching her back to get into the crib!
So, we hadn't told anyone, but we started Tashi modeling. Here she is on her first shoot. Oh, and also, we forgot to mention she's standing on her own.
Just kidding! This is a photo Ginny found and sent to me, from an online retailer. It looks just like Tashi, at age maybe 18 to 24 months, doesn't it? Even the ears are the same! I couldn't resist posting it.
Our weekend was pretty mellow. On Saturday just swimming (remembered her suit this time), and then to sister's to see Waipo. Sister and her husband had gone to California for a wedding, so Waipo came up to watch the kids, with nanny Pat's help. Sunday I had work to do, so husband was on full daddy duty, taking her in the a.m., out for a walk in between naps, feeding her, giving her a bath, and reading her books before bed (you know, a typical day for mom when baby is at home). We also went out as a family toward the end of the day to take some photos in the beautiful late-afternoon light along the river.
On Friday another mommy who has an older baby told me that the transition from two to one naps for her took about two months of back and forth. This makes me feel a lot better about how haphazard the nap thing has been. This weekend she went back to two pretty full naps, though on Friday her a.m. nap was 30 minutes at best. Also, I had grand plans of starting her on a fuller daycare day today, to give her two weeks before I start work to ease into it, but at 710am, she was already lying belly-down on the floor, thumb in mouth, a sure sign she's ready for a nap. (She did this a couple times when Aunt Jenny came to visit Friday afternoon, too.) As daycare doesn't open till 8am, I just had her do her first nap at home, as usual. We'll try again tomorrow. I swear she has a sixth sense about this. But it could also be that she is waking before 6am again (545am, 555am, etc). I don't go in to get her till after 6, but I really want to tweak her sked so it's 7 to 630 or 7 instead of 630 to 6.
Tashi food-o-meter: prosciutto, which she loved. Also, actual apple, in small pieces. Very handy having teeth on the top and bottom.
And, today is Ahgong and Cassius!'s birthdays! Happy birthday to both!
New Sound (3:01) Guest-starring Yoshi and the music of Ben Folds. (Note the onesie.)
Tashi nap-o-meter: 20 minutes this a.m., which was way, way too short for debate-watching, sleep-deprived mommy. But then she slept at daycare--yay! A full hour and 30 minutes, the longest yet. We'll see what happens sleepwise on her day home with me tomorrow.
Tashi's on a bit of a nap strike--which is how for now I am viewing what may be the transition to one nap. (I'm not ready! I need that a.m. nap!) Today and yesterday she napped only very briefly in the a.m. (45-60 minutes), then got woken up by mean mom to take her to daycare, where she wouldn't do a second afternoon nap. Next week we're supposed to start the longer daycare days anyway, so I guess it'll pan out, but I hate to think that she'll just never nap well again. What happens on weekends is she catches up on sleep (making it hard for us to do anything), but this may also include talking to herself for an hour before finally dozing off.
It used to be putting your hand on her chest or along her cheek helped calm her down to sleep. No more--she actually will push your hand away like it's a dirty sock (though, she sort of likes dirty socks...). She's discovered her tongue recently too--sticks it out for a long time, tries to lick things, and today spent a bit of time trying to grab it while laying down on the changing table (whatever distracts her, I'll take). Tashi's kisses these days mean an open mouth and the use of teeth--but I guess that's not really a kiss anymore, is it?
Last night two surprising things happened: 1) I got carded, though I think everyone did at this bar I went to for Dara's fundraiser; 2) I won one of the door prizes at the fundraiser (after two other names were called out, and those people weren't present). It was great to see Dara and Dan, whose lives with baby Leo I keep up with virtually via Dara's blog. Dan pointed out we met a decade ago in Hong Kong, which is astounding. I saw Dara texting the babysitter only once--not bad!
A few milestones today, two good, one not so good:
+ Today when I dropped Tashi off at daycare, she reached for Miss A, then smiled and waved bye-bye to me. She still whimpers every now and then, but gee! That was fast, no? Husband said she probably sees Miss A and thinks, She feeds me more! This is because she seems to eat lots more at daycare than at home. Possibly because they have more patience for feeding--and those giant highchairs.
+ When I picked her up, I saw on her regular daily report that she had taken a FIFTY-MINUTE nap. Nearly an hour--yay! And this after a pretty epic a.m. nap... and now she's gone to bed again before 630pm, having started rubbing her eyes and being cranky since we got home from CSA pickup etc at 540pm. Growth spurt? Baby needs her rest apparently.
+ And now the not so good: She's turning down certain foods. I knew this day would come, but not quite so fast. I had made a point of buying different veggies to puree yesterday (organic broccoli) because I felt like I was feeding her the same things over and over again (mango, zucchini, red pepper, yogurt). But Miss A reported she didn't eat much there, and asked me if I was seeing the same refusal at home. It was on the tip of my tongue to say--are you kidding? Feed her all this at home? I leave all the heavy lifting to you guys! But it's true that when I tried the broccoli again at home she kept pushing the spoon away. Alas. We'll try mixing her favorites (mango, butternut squash) with the green veggies and see how that goes. As I said to Tish, Let the games begin.
I finally got around to looking up 'Biting' in the parenting book Gen gave us--the one that said, Don't worry about tummy time, you're not your baby's trainer! As expected his view on biting was equally sanguine. He said, It's natural for babies to want to bite--they're trying out their teeth. And when they get a reaction out of you when they bite your finger, nipple, toe, it's better than any toy that lights up. No wonder they keep wanting to do it again and again! And it certainly explains why Tashi gets so mischievous-looking before she gnashes on a body part that isn't her own.
His solution is to try not to react, as hard as it may be. Then she'll lose interest and go back to her toys. So I wondered if being removed from the other child and given a talking to is akin to a fun reaction. If it is, she will probably bite again. I forgot to mention, too, that at the bottom of the ouch report is a note saying a copy goes to the director. It's in her file!
We had a nice weekend, with friends visiting and visiting friends. My friend Wendy from San Francisco came up to Inwood Saturday afternoon with her husband David, whom I'd never met. Wendy's a friend of mine from Hong Kong days. She was the CFO of a dotcom I worked at and we used to call her Wendy Spendy. They were very patient with Tashi's increasing crankiness (because she was tired? hungry? bored? Who knows! She needs to start using the signs I'm teaching her!) and we got to catch up on the past few years. David has a sister who lives completely off the grid in a park in Hawaii. Her home is a tarp. I was fascinated, especially when they said there were in fact a few families there. But then the reality is I can't even deal with mosquitoes in NYC, much less in the tropics. Every time I watch Lost, I realize I'd never survive for the mosquitoes and running out of contact lens solution (I'm blind as a bat).
Then on Sunday we went out to see Tish and Eric and Nina Ping in NJ. (I need Tish to send me photos.) We timed the hourlong drive with Tashi's second nap, which was mildly successful, but I can see this trick coming to an end. Especially as she now prefers sleeping on her stomach, and the car seat, obviously, doesn't allow that.
Nina Ping was cute with Tashi Ming--for one thing, calling her by her first and middle name every single time. Nina's so verbal and fast-talking it was like being with a much older child. Tish had me go through two huge bins of mostly pink clothing that Nina's outgrown, which was awesome. I'm starting to make peace with pink. At least the dark and even the hot pinks. I still don't like the pastels so much. Tashi has enough sneakers and socks and jackets now I think to last us through the winter. Yay! (Thank you, Auntie Tish!) Husband was sad, though, because the Mets ended their season. Heartbreaking once again.
After today's daycare, Caprice met me for coffee and walked up the hill and back down again with us to do all my errands (bank, supermarket), wearing Frida all the while. I'm going to start allowing them to feed Tashi daycare snacks, like raisins and other fruit, just because it's hard to keep up. Seriously, at Tashi's age now daycare to me is so worth it just to have someone else patiently feed and then clean everything up.
Today was a nonstarter when it came to daycare. I'm convinced she knows how to get out of it. First, yesterday's 24-hour runny nose gave me pause--and it was pretty much gone this morning. (But, I also didn't run the a/c in her room last night.)
Then today, with the idea that we'd again go to daycare after her second nap, she took forever to fall asleep. I put her down at 1pm and listened to her talk to herself for 45 min, which is longer than usual. But then it stretched out to two hours of talking to herself in the crib! No complaining, or else I'd have gone in and gotten her out. Eventually she nodded off around 3 or 330pm (I lost track) and slept till nearly 5. It made me consider the idea of playpens for the first time, I have to say. I got so much work done.
So, once we missed the 230-3pm window for dropoff I figured we'd end up just going by there to show husband the place and have him meet some of the staff, especially as he'd never gone before, and also because he happened to be working from home today. I also wanted to see if she'd freak out as soon as she saw the room, but she didn't. She did, however, whimper when Miss Amarilis held her, even with us standing right there. We'll have to see how tomorrow's afternoon-only session, assuming we make it, goes.
I've had really great support from a bunch of mommy friends (and my mom), which I appreciate. Aislinn said, Wouldn't it be great if Cassius (who is in the photo above) could just hang out with Tashi and tell her everything will be okay? Which reminded me of a story about me starting kindergarten that's become family lore. Mom says a Korean boy, Baiyun Sun, came over one morning when I was crying and asked if he could be my friend. We had a lot of photos of us together playing in the sandbox after that.
Tashi food-o-meter: We went to Mamajuana after visiting the daycare, taking advantage of the fact that Tashi's late nap. So she had pulpa (octopus) and arepitas (mini corn pancakes) and... French fries (grabbed off Daddy's plate).
Tashi bruise-o-meter: None new but the bottom photo shows the nice purple spot on her cheek that she got off the padded coffee table.
Tashi woke up a couple times overnight, but got herself to sleep again. When I picked her up in the morning, I learned why she woke up--she has a cold. This is her second, ever. We think it might've come from this weekend because her younger cousin had the sniffles. Anyway, this plus the fact that her naps coincide precisely when I'm allowed to drop her off (between 8 and 10am), I didn't bring Tashi to daycare in the morning. I was a little annoyed because it used to be that dropoff times were flexible, but now they are not, even for the littlest babies.
We did, however, manage to make it there for the next allowed dropoff time of 230pm. Actually we were 20 minutes late. But we got there, and Tashi seemed happy enough to watch the other babies and play with new-seeming toys. I nursed her, and showed the staff how to change a cloth diaper, and then snuck out. But I told them I'd stay on campus, as it were, since it's a 15-20 minute walk anyway to our house and the daycare closes at 545pm. I sat outside for a little while and then when the babies were brought out, went back inside. I heard some crying, thought it might be Tashi, but it wasn't, and saw the women carrying her. All good.
But, when I came to get her at 515pm, she was alone in one of the swing chairs, snuffly crying, and doing that fast-breathing they do when they've been crying a lot. Needless to say, I felt AWFUL. Her eyes were all swollen too. I was told she'd been left there just for a moment while another baby's diaper was changed, and I have to believe them because the daycare gets such high marks from people I trust, but still, it was wrenching. She only does that hiccupy breathing when she's really, really, really upset. (And she isn't accustomed to the swing--we never had one.)
Why didn't they call me? Because Tashi's entire time there was only about two hours. And I guess they figured she'd be calm herself down... and they've seen all sorts of babies go through all sorts of transitions. We'll try again tomorrow, afternoon-only again, but I hope it goes better. Poor little thing! Why are there bookshelves of books about how to get baby to sleep, and none about transitioning baby to professional care?
Tashi food-o-meter: She ate asparagus and yam mixed with gruel, even though she was crying, I was told. A trouper.
Tashi bruise-o-meter: Despite the big, unsightly cover we got for the coffee table, she still managed to bang her head against it the other morning, resulting in lots of tears and a bruised cheekbone. (She can also still crawl under it, usually after Yoshi--and the padding doesn't go underneath the table.)
PS I was going to take photos of her at the daycare, but we were both too upset to do a shoot. Maybe as she gets (we get) used to it.
Tashi's nap sked seems to have morphed in the past two days. She now is up from 630-930am and then down for her a.m. nap right about when she had been getting up from her first nap--9am. Needless to say this is throwing me into a tiny tizzy. In fact I normally make plans for in between naps, which right now is looking like a shorter, later time frame. This also means my habit of going back to bed during Tashi's a.m. nap at 730am also will probably come to an end. It's a lot harder for me to go back to bed when I feel like the day has already started at 9 or 10am. We really need the Olympics to end to get more sleep! Even Tivo'd it still takes forever to get through everything.
So, yesterday was a complete mess napwise. No a.m. nap, then two afternoon naps, the 2nd one--that she really needed since she was definitely not well rested after the one nap--ending at FIVE. I felt a little bad because Abuelo and Abuela had come in to babysit (so I could go on a date, with Tish--yay!) and instead of seeing awake baby they got to listen to the noise machine on the baby monitor. We did do a brief swings outing, where Abuela and I noticed Tashi smiled every time she looked at Abuelo (who incidentally chats up every other person using the swings. Given half a chance he'd be the mayor of Inwood in no time.)
My friend Romy tells me the nap shifting happened for her son Hudson for a couple months at least, when he was the same age Tashi is. Impossible to make plans. Great! Right now I'm listening to her talk to herself during what I hope will eventually become her 2nd nap. Might have to move that back a bit later, too. The bright spot is that this may make the daycare transition easier because a 730am naptime doesn't go so well with an 8am dropoff time.
I've been talking to my friend Russell, who with Nina has a new baby Julian, born in March, about how to fill the hours, and I remember a friend telling me a long time ago (way pre-baby) that the thing to do is to have one activity a day. That's usually enough--even if it's just walking to the bank just to use the ATM. I manufacture errands all the time--things that normally would be done in one trip are now divided into two activities often on two different days. (Pre-Maclaren, it also had a lot to do with not being able to cart her around everywhere if things were in opposite directions.) I never thought I'd be saying this, but the playgroups help. We have two regular ones--meaning that's two days of the week that are already taken care of!
On Sunday at the shore before we came back to the city (in the hail!) Tashi was visited by her cousin Amanda and Amanda's beau Mark and their friend Angelica. Since the weather was cloudy (good for us, not so good for sun-loving beachgoers) we took her out to the playground down the boardwalk and did some swing and slide time. (I'll post a link to photos once they're up.) I'm becoming a real connoisseur of swings and slides. The slides with curves in them are bad--too much chance of Tashi's foot getting caught. And the main thing this past weekend I completely forgot to mention before! Tashi can now get from a lying on back position to tummy to pushing up into seated position. Daddy's computer wires never looked so yummy.
In other news, we got into the daycare we've been on the waiting list for since last August. Tashi will be joining Cassius there come September, giving us two months to transition (I took a year off from work, so wouldn't start till November). Unfortunately Tashi's other friend Anna will be leaving just as we join, since her parents Andrea and Alex are getting a lawn (that comes with a house) in New Jersey.
Tashi new food-o-meter: brewer's yeast (yuck! but filled with vitamins and recommended by Super Baby Food and easily masked, so far, by being mixed with pureed fruit)
We're on crawl watch with Tashi these days. As I mentioned she's starting to want to crawl, unable to just sit quietly but constantly leaning forward onto her knees and hands, but isn't really that close, based on my experience with older babies in the playgroup who have reached the milestone. For one thing, she doesn't eventually get onto her knees quite yet. She just ends up on her tummy and then flips over. But one thing she is doing like other babies learning to move is become frustrated when she can't. We get a low-grade, exasperated whine for too many hours of the day.
She is flipping over when I put her to bed every night, too, and after going in to flip her back over I am wondering whether to let her just sleep that way, if she can manage it. My friend Dara says her son Leo (incidentally, over two months younger than Tashi) now sleeps on his belly occasionally, and I remembered Aislinn saying Cassius does too. But then that got me thinking about the lightweight blanket I insist on putting on her at night. It ends up twisted around her torso with the flipping over. Is no one else using blankets in this weather? I felt like the a/c could still cause a chill. But for this morning's nap I used no blanket--and she slept a solid nearly two hours.
Dara also pointed out a Leo milestone is his staying up for four hours. I forgot that Tashi used to never be able to do that. But I guess when she started being able to go from 2-6pm I figured she could do 9am-1pm, too (in between her first and second naps), and for music class and especially during our trip that turned out to be very handy.
Our weekend was going out to Abuela's on Saturday--where husband took this photo--and then to our friend Katherine's baby shower, hosted by Trish, on Sunday. Katherine's baby is one of about a dozen I know of this year!
Tashi's new food-o-meter: tofu (fake chicken), fancy cheese at Trish's, ice cream (Ronnybrook vanilla, but Mom still thinks it's a little early for sweets like this.... Her first words might be 'ice cream'!)
When Tashi first came home, it was hard to distinguish weekdays from weekends, but now as she gets older, I am again aware of imminent weekends. Mainly because it means Daddy will be around to help. But it's also because Friday is our regular playgroup. Since the playgroup's creation last fall, Tashi's gone from just days old to 8 months, which is sort of remarkable. The 11am meet-up time used to be problematic--Tashi was either about to sleep or deep in sleep--but now it fits nicely in between her two naps.
Amy, the organizer, thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to have some new kids join, and coincidentally I'd met an opera singer who lives a block away with a daughter about 3 weeks older than Tashi through, of all things, Freecycle. So Caprice and Frida joined, and my friend Milena and her son Hector--also Tashi's age (just days apart, and Milena and I have taken sign language as well as music class together)--will also be joining. That means Hector will now be the youngest by three days.
My other Friday habit is getting together with building mommy friend Kelly and her daughter Quinn. It's something I really look forward to. Walking around this afternoon, we saw twins I'd met yesterday (they were with a caregiver, not the mom I'd met) whose names are Ben and Sophie--funny to me because my friend Ben is nothing if not gaga over his daughter Sophie, who just turned 1. And then we ran into Andrea and her baby Anna, who will be 1 late next month. I'd been trying to get together with Andrea for a little while, so it was nice to see them. We were at the Jacob Javits Playground up the hill. I guess if I hang out at any park long enough I'm bound to see someone I know or at least recognize, especially near the baby bucket swings.
It prompted Kelly to say more than once that she felt like I knew lots of people in the neighborhood. I guess it seems that way--that's what staying home all day with the baby and hardly ever leaving the hood will do! And now husband is also finding he is seeing familiar faces, not just in our building but also on the subway. It's nice and makes the city seem less giant.
I also learned about two things via the parenting listservs today. One is a blog, Uptown Action, written by our local Democratic district leader. It is just genius that he is even blogging, especially about mystery real estate. Another is this story about Washington Heights that ran in one of the free morning papers yesterday. It mentions fresh options of where to eat and do things in the hood that I hadn't heard of. So that's handy, too, for whenever we can go out to dinner again.
Tashi tricks-o-meter: This qualifies as burying the lede, but Tashi, at the ripe old age of 8 months, has finally, definitively, rolled from back to front. She did it once yesterday and when I got her this morning at 6am she was already on her belly.
Tashi's cheeks are usually pink, but I made it something worrisome during our vacation. Bad, bad mommy thought shade and a hat would be enough to protect baby's face--all that cheeks acreage!--and did not use enough sunscreen. (Apparently this is a common parent mishap--see here and here, two random blogs I found via asking the google for 'baby sunburn.') Actually, I am also torn about putting all those chemicals on her face, too. I realize there's chemical-free stuff, but we are using Target brand baby SPF 50 and Neutrogena blabbity blah SPF 45 which I like because it doesn't make you sticky (though this has the result of making me unsure where I've applied it). Anyway, I am now putting aloe on her cheeks, which she tries to eat.
Here's Tashi enjoying actual food--strawberries! A high-allergen food, yes, but she has shown zero reaction except loving it.
So I am home on this Friday night while husband is at poker. Tomorrow he has a bachelor party. Theoretically, it doesn't mean more work for me if he is out, because Tashi goes to bed by 630pm, but it does make weekend a.m. duty, which is usually his, a little more problematic if he's been out late the night before. After feeling exhausted all week, without an identifiably good reason why (though sister said, 'Don't discount the effect nursing has on your body, I think it's just like being pregnant'), and Tashi's a.m. nap becoming truncated to one hour instead of a good two, I finally looked at the sleep book again yesterday and discovered at her age she's supposed to get 3.5 hours of naps total. That's down from 5.5 hours just a month ago. Well, no wonder! But man, do I miss those extra two hours. Dara pinged me to ask how I filled the time with Tashi. It was a timely question because at that moment I was just trying to figure out what to do next with her. My joke is that being a parent is a lot harder when your kid is awake for more than half the day. We were both really dragging at playgroup, which we hosted this week.
Tashi's new thing is to touch the faces of other babies (and mommy on the subway), but by 'touch' I really mean grab and pull. I'm trying to teach her the meaning of gentle but I don't think it's getting through yet. This photo is from the park yesterday, with Sara, a mommy friend from music class, and her daughter Samantha, who was born in January. Tashi and Sam were both really fascinated by each other, Sam even laughing. (Later on, we saw each other again at a wine-tasting benefit for Fort Tryon Park. Taylor from downstairs babysat for a couple hours. Beautiful night. Of course, we liked the $49 wine.) Tashi, for her part, went for Samantha's face, just like she goes for Yoshi's ears. Since Yoshi always pesters me for dinner right as I'm trying to put Tashi down, Tashi gets distracted from the boob by the meowing. But tonight playing with Yoshi totally made her giggle, and that's always worth hearing.
I feel like if I were to write a book about parenting, I'd call it, Why Am I So Tired If My Baby Is Sleeping Through the Night? Since Tashi is down to two naps a day, I have been pushing our big outing time to the middle of the day instead of solely at the end. With mixed results. For instance, Monday at noon is our usual music class, which I admit I am not loving, but drag her to anyway. (It's repetitive and gets boring, for mom at least. Tashi mainly puts everything in her mouth.) Then I whisk her back home so she can nap by 130pm, having been up since 930 or 10am. That's a long stretch of wakefulness, the result being hollering before bed.
Then Tuesday we saw my friend Randall, in from Geneva for 18 hours, for lunch at Columbus Circle, meeting him early at 1130am right after I fed her post-a.m. nap. She lasted about 45 min, which I had estimated, and again was down for her afternoon nap by 130pm. But then I dragged her to another music class--this one a makeup class with older kiddies--and in the pouring rain. During the class, an older boy of nearly 3 decided he didn't like the attention Tashi was getting from the teacher and banged her on the head with a drumstick (felt-covered) and then poked her in the nose later on. The mom was really apologetic, but Tashi hardly reacted, just sort of blinking each time. She also enjoyed slapping the guitar at the end, though I am sure what was running through her head was, How do I get this in my mouth?
Yoshi has been, I think, trying to help with the nap situation, running over to Tashi's room when she hears Tashi crying if she wakes up too early and I am trying to ride it out--but it has the result of me scurrying over to stop Yoshi from meowing at the door. I've become an insane person about the noise and its sleep-disrupting potential--the sound of the front-door lock in the a.m., the squeaky floorboards (still), the upstairs neighbor, the downstairs neighbor, Yoshi's meowing, the sound of cleaning the litterbox, the trucks idling outside, kids after school screaming, the ice cream truck, etc etc. Needless to say I am looking forward to some nice quiet suburbia this weekend at my parents' and again during our trip.
I also wanted to mention: Tashi's been slapping her left knee with her left hand when she nurses on the left boob. It's really, really funny. Knee-slappingly funny, even. I will have to try to videotape it without it becoming objectionable content. She also reaches for the boob more these days, even when behind clothing, and really zooms in on the nipple. It's so different from before when she was little and getting her to latch on properly was a big deal. And today she ate sweet potato (a yam, technically). Made a face, but then ate it! She makes happy eating sounds now too, something like mmmm. You have to catch the little squeak she does at the end of the arm-waving video.
Tish and family came for a visit Sunday, hoping to check out city playgrounds, but the weather was uncooperative. Instead we hung out inside, where Nina Ping eventually shared the contents her princess box and Tinkerbell purse, scolding us for not paying attention (Tish points out it was a rare reveal). As with all older children I had a flash of our future. This photo is a little blurry but it's the only one I managed to get with Nina Ping in it too. Tashi was pretty content to gnaw on anything while sitting on anyone's lap.
The day before we'd gone to West New York to Abuela and Abuelo's for a barbecue. I dressed Tashi in a dress my sister gave us that I realized was her current size (six months) and that she had to wear now, or never. Sister got it for us before I put the kibosh on pink, but this pink, besides not being pastel, is at least tempered by the cream-colored onesie it came with. On Friday Kelly came up for a visit from downstairs, since the weather was awful. We had the kids together in the gymini while Kelly and I had tea.
I have to say during all these events I have felt nothing but distracted, which I am still getting used to as a state of (parental) being. I'd love to be able to focus solely on the visitors but I end up just feeling like my attention is split, which is sort of frustrating. Even with husband around to help. The napping at least is getting back on a predictable schedule. We have officially transitioned from three naps to two, which is a bit early according to the Sleep Lady, but what can you do. This means her awake time is more significant, with two- to four-hour stretches. How to fill the hours? A lot of B's: Bumbo, Boppy, banana, gymini, exersaucer, Bjorn, books, Mraz, and when outdoors, cafe con leche, Brazen, and park.
One last thing: The church across the street is again driving us crazy. A party there Saturday night till 1am, when the pastor had told me these parties were coming to an end. They did, for a while--this is the first in a long time, but I hope it isn't the kickoff for the summer season. I will have to go over there with Tashi again. Ginny, meanwhile, is officially past her due date, which was Friday. We're on standby for a trip down to Roosevelt.
I've written about the tyranny of the nap before, meaning how you are housebound because baby needs to nap in the crib at set times, but now that we're napless tyranny has a different connotation. Call it tyranny of the no nap. I tried the lengthening of awake time yesterday but Tashi woke after just 45 minutes for a first nap--a bad omen. Instead of ignoring her fussing like I was supposed to, I got her and brought her to the living room, and then put her down again after 45 min of awake time. So her a.m. nap was 1 hr 45 min--but over two naps. All the while Dara and I were pinging each other play-by-plays of our respective baby's naps--she'd had a rough night of many wakeups--and I had to laugh, the two of us pinging via gmail, ears cocked for the slightest stirring from baby's room.
The other thing the sleep book says is for baby to have a lovey--aka 'transitional object' to help baby overcome separation anxiety (which begins about now) and help baby put self to sleep. The obvious thing is a blanket or stuffed animal. I had both. My blanket was a super-soft nightgown (made of synthetic fiber, probably highly flammable, how things have changed!) of my mom's that I appropriated (or she gave me, as a lovey?). The stuffed animal I still have--a teddy bear that has been much patched up. Obviously since I remember them both I was using them well beyond infant years. Sleep Lady gives lovey suggestions: If baby likes to pull on hair (as Tashi does), pick a stuffed animal with tentacles. The one 'tentacled' toy we have is a plastic horse, so that wouldn't work. Some families use cloth diapers, but I'd feel weird about that. So in the midst of thinking incessantly, 'Must. Get. Lovey,' I settled on this thing that came with our Mustela bath set. It might look a little macabre--it's a bear head in the center of a square towel--but it's very soft and small. It's supposed to smell like mom so I've been sleeping with it. I thought of putting it under my armpit but I think the Sleep Lady didn't quite mean that sort of smelling like mom.
Here's a photo from yesterday. Abuelo and Abuela came in to babysit (muchas gracias!) while husband had softball game and I had an event to go to downtown. I have been on a sushi kick so we went out to Sushi Damo at Columbus Circle after our respective events, and I ran into a mom from music class. We looked at each other and exclaimed, Where's the baby?!
My friend Dara and I have been comparing notes on nap strategies, because I realized we are in the same boat--early risers (5am) who also can't seem to stay awake past 6pm. Both Leo and Tashi are also catnapping in the afternoon--20-30 minutes at a time. It wasn't until Tashi stopped taking a regular hourlong or more afternoon nap that I really, really missed it. Not because I was sleeping, too (I do that during the a.m. nap, unless I have a bunch of work due), but because it makes it impossible to do anything. Also, since Tashi would be complaining in the crib for as long as she ultimately would sleep, it didn't exactly make for a stress-free afternoon.
So last night I had husband look up in the Sleep Lady's book what to do with an early riser who is also catnapping. The two are related: Bad Napping = Early Rising. (I joked to Dara that I must get this needlepointed.) The book said to treat naps as if baby was going down for the night, meaning do a mini-nighttime ritual. It also said to keep baby up for longer in between naps, and if baby woke up after 20-30 minutes not to go to baby immediately but to soothe, from afar if possible, and not pick her up. But what's been confusing to me is how it all fits, timewise: How can you feed every three hours, extend awake time, and also put them down for a nap without having just fed them? (Because the books also say, Omigod whatever you do don't let baby depend on boob for sleep!)
